Friday, May 30, 2014

Just Some Musings and Thoughts

I really need to be better about updating, have started to do it several times and never finished.   Getting through the day to day of life this past year has been a chore.  We have had our ups and way too many downs it seems.  But through it all, and in all, God is good and God is faithful.  Couldn't make it through one day without Him.

At some point I will go in to further detail - but parenting has been a struggle this year.  It has matured us a whole heck of a lot.  Humbled us, brought us to our knees and thankfully God has picked up the pieces and set about healing and restoration.

All my life I have dealt with worry and anxiety and have done a pretty good job of not letting it consume me. My early years in marriage and parenting were fraught with worry and anxiety.  It was horrible.  I let it consume for far too long.

As of late, it has crept back in and I go to God in prayer daily asking Him to release me of this consuming fire of worry and feelings of anxiousness.  I know that worry sees problems, but faith sees the God who can handle those problems, but when you are consumed its sometimes hard to see.  So I take it a day at a time and thankfully it is getting better.

I am thankful for a wonderful, loving husband who cherishes our relationship more today than ever - I can honestly say after 20 years of marriage I love him so much more than the day we got married.  I have 2 great sons who are growing up way too fast, it feels as if time has been put on fast forward.  But a new stage of life is exciting as well.  I am blessed beyond measure, but human.  In my humanness I let the worries of this world consume me sometimes - breaking free is hard but I am doing my best to get my head above that water!

In about 1 week our oldest graduates from high school - I am literally counting down the hours until the last day of school - it has been a rough year.  But with this rite of passage in graduating it brings a world of opportunity and hope for him.  Our youngest ends his Freshman year in high school - a boy who is growing in to a fine young man just like his brother.  So proud of both of them and what they have accomplished this year.

I am SO excited for the graduation party celebration.  My dad, brother, sister in law, niece and great nephews/niece are coming in to town to celebrate with us and they are staying with us!  This brings my heart SO much joy.  Family is so important to me...I wish we all lived closer.  Thankful to still have my dad with us, but it does feel as if our family is dwindling each year.  There are only 3 siblings of 5 left now.  Still seems weird to say that.  I cherish the time I get to spend with family.

We got to spend some quality time recently in Costa Rica with family. My nephew married his love there (she is from Costa Rica).  We were blessed to stay in a condo with my brother and sister in law and my niece and her boyfriend.  It was an adventure to say the least.  I won't bore you with all the details but we were hit hard by Montezuma's revenge (me, Rob and my bro and sis-in-law).  It was NOT a fun couple of days with it.  Rob and I made it through the wedding but only about 20 minutes in to the reception.  I have never felt worse in my life.  But overall was a great trip - lots of memories made.

What I do know and see is that we are all in this together (sounds a bit High School Musical huh?) but it is true.  We can't walk this life alone nor face our problems alone.  I am SO very thankful for a few close gals in my life that are my burden bearers - they pray for me and my family - they hold me up and mean the world to me.  I don't think they realize what they truly mean to me.  Thankful to walk the roads of life with them.  I pray that all women get to experience the kind of friendships I have been blessed with - they are the best.

I will try and be better about updating - and hopefully soon share our journey in order to help others who are facing or will face what we have in the past year.  A favorite psalm that I have read just about every day is Psalm 91 - so comforting...hope it provides you the same comfort today that is has provided to me:

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.  For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. 

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings.  His faithful promises are your armor and protection.  Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.  Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.  Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.  Just open your eyes, and see how the wicked are punished.  If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home.  For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. 

They will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.  You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.  I will protect those who trust in my name.  When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble.  I will rescue and honor them.  I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.”

Thursday, January 9, 2014

2014 Already?

Wow, I seriously cannot believe it is 2014.  My last blog post was in March of last year.  So much for keeping up with it!

Life has been crazy, busy, good, bad, ugly, blessed, you name it.  2013 was a challenging year to say the least.

In February of 2013 we lost my brother Ken.  He fought so many years against his addiction to alcohol and this time the addiction won.  So many mixed emotions - anger, sadness not sure what to feel, still.  The blessing came from be reunited and reconnected with his kids - that was the joy out of it all and what I choose to focus on.

February also brought the 6 year anniversary of my mom's death.  While the pain has eased some it can still knock me to my knees at times.  I miss her so very much but am so thankful she has been healed of the horrendous illnesses and pain she was constantly faced with on a daily basis.

2013 brought our hardest year of parenting to date - nothing horribly wrong, just waters we had never tread in before.  Its is so heartbreaking to see your kids go through tough times and heart breaking events of their own.  But lessons were learned and the future is looking so bright we gotta wear shades :-).

The older I get (hit 40 in 2013!)  the more I realize how much we judge others especially in our youth.  It seems we, in our blissful unawareness (in our younger days) think we have all the answers on how we would do things if faced with a situation.  Well, humble pie has been consumed much in the last year in my home and life for sure.  I am so thankful for grace from my Savior.  I am also learning more and more to reach out to others and not be so introverted - still hard, but working on it.

We were blessed as a family to be able to go on a cruise in October, we had such a great time.  It was much needed respite from the year we had been faced with - here are some pictures.

In late October we lost my Aunt Lee unexpectedly - she had been fighting lymphoma for a while but had been doing well.  She was my mom's sister and loved her dearly.  Through her funeral I was able to reconnect with my only other living aunt on my mom's side and my cousin.  There is positive in that., but I feel so badly for my Uncle Don, they had been married well over 60 years.  Can't imagine the sorrow he feels.

In November I went back to Albuquerque for my last business trip for that office.  It was bittersweet, thankful to not have to travel anymore, but going to miss that team tremendously.  I have transitioned to the Louisville office now.  I am thankful to have kept my job but now I actually have to get dressed, do my hair and make up and drive to work.  No more working in my pajamas!  First week back hasn't been horrible but definitely different!

In just a few short months Tyler will be graduating from high school, I truly can't believe we are at this stage with him already.  It truly has flown by.  He turned 18 in December and Logan turned 15.  Gah!

Today one of my very best friend's faces a biopsy surgery to see if she has breast cancer.  My heart breaks for what the results could be - but we know God already knows the outcome and we are clinging tightly to Him.  God is good and God is faithful - ALWAYS.

I am glad to say goodbye to 2013.  There were definite positives (meeting my goal weight and keeping it off!), growing closer to my husband and children, deepening friendships...but also recognizing that there were also negatives that I can learn from as well.  I let Satan have a little too much control of my life and thoughts last year - won't let that happen again.  I am looking forward to 2014 and the twists and turns it will bring. I don't make resolutions typically but I do resolve to daily remember to WHOM I belong and trust in Him alone.